What You Ought To Know About Mothers
The other night I was speaking with my daughter. I was telling her about a funny experience I had at local restaurant when my friend ordered a “blooming’ onion “as an appetizer.
“A what”? She asked.
I hesitated a moment, “A blooming onion”.
I speak quickly so when someone questions me about something I’ve said I assume they didn’t understand.
“A -bl-o-o-m-ing on-ion” I carefully repeated.
“I don’t know what that is.”
My daughter is a bright, sophisticated, and all over the pop culture scene, 26-year-old. She graduated the University of Kentucky, for god’s sakes; a campus recognized for their basketball and football excellence. Do you mean to tell me not once, during or after one of the games, while sitting in a sports bar, in KENTUCKY, she never ordered a blooming onion?
I was certain my daughter knew what a blooming onion was; she must have forgotten. So, I tried jostling her memory by pounding the message home.
“A blooming onion, blooming onion, you know what a blooming onion is.”
“Mom, stop, I don’t know what that is.”
Did I fail to teach my daughter about blooming onions, my god what kind of mother was I? But the next day I felt a surge of pride in my parenting skills. I thought, “ Not knowing what a blooming onion is a good thing. Pamela. It’s a testimony to you as a mom and the proper nutrition she had as a child”.
I stopped my self-praise when I realized something. Since the birth of my daughter 26 years ago, this was the first time I ever took credit for my parenting skills, and for what; a blooming onion! Was I out of my mind or just the most pathetic person walking the planet?
The Shaping Of A Mother
Right after the birth of my first child I was a mess. All the preparation I’d done, reading book, magazine articles and attending classes seemed worthless. It’s one thing to read an article about the causes of colic when you’re nine months pregnant, and another to deal with a colicky infant crying at two in the morning. Honestly, I don’t think I got out of my sweat pants for two months. But the moment I realized and accepted, “life, as I knew it was, over”; it was freeing. Becoming a mother was a new world, and I had to adjust or go out of my mind from maternal anxiety. The reason is your inner nature changes when you become a mother. It’s as though you cross over into another dimension where what you valued, regarded as significant or paid attention to no longer exists. You begin making different choices, behave in ways you never thought possible and develop a new mindset about your place in the world. The truth is once you set your new worldview it doesn’t change. For the rest of you life when you child needs you, no matter his or her age, you’ll respond like a mother.
Motherhood: 5 Key Identity Changes
Daughter To Mother
Soon after the birth of your child, you experience a shift in identity from being someone’s daughter to someone’s mom. Adjusting to this new person you’ve become can play havoc with your feelings and emotions. As a new mom, your mind draws a dividing line separating your past as a daughter from your new self as a mom. The split from your past self causes a complex mix of emotions to surface, especially during the first few months after giving birth. Your emotions and feelings fluctuate, and it’s typical to feel happy and sad at the same time.Swaying between the sadness at losing the mother daughter connection to joy for what’s ahead for you and your baby.
I considered myself a dependable person before I had a child. But I was never fully responsible for someone else’s life and the importance being totally accountable was at times, overwhelming. Besides keeping your baby alive, you are answerable for their growth and development. A mother’s influence is undervalued in our society as well as by moms themselves. Being a mom is a lifetime commitment that’s a big deal. New moms need to stand up, take ownership of the authority and value their new identity.
After childbirth perception of others and your social connection do an about face. New moms want to bond with other women either in the community or within their extended family or both. If you never a joined a social group before childbirth that changes once the baby arrives. Attending classes and forming new ‘mommy and me” friends is very common, and the emotional support of female peers is priceless. You’ll reach out to your mother and want to know more about her experiences raising you. Another identity transformation occurs within the relationships of new moms. They begin to see the links to new female friends separately from the world with their husband or partner. A mother’s new self is divided into,”me and baby”, me and friends” and me as part of a couple.
What about your husband, how does he fit into this whole new dimension called motherhood? Throw out the point system you used to weigh the good and not so good characteristics of a mate prior to motherhood.You’ll stop assessing the father of your child in terms of a partner for you. Instead, you’ll judge his behavior and actions in terms of whether he’s a good father for your child. There’s a bonus to your new evaluation system, the higher you assess his fathering capabilities, the more attractive he’ll be to you. Here’s piece of scientific fact from the animal kingdom about new moms and dads you may find interesting. A female baboon with a baby will allow a male into her life only if he demonstrates he’ll care for her baby.
All Eyes Are On You
A mother is the last decision-maker for a baby. It’s a 24/7 job, even if you have help, you ate ultimately held accountable for any outcome. When your baby cries, poops, spits up or says his or her first words it’s you they’ll call. Somehow or other our culture has fostered the notion that mothering and nurturing a baby is innate in women. Many people believe women are natural moms and know what to do for a baby instinctively. As mothers, we too feel we’re born qualified for the job. Many of the standards we hold for the position of motherhood we formed from the mental pictures we painted in minds as little girls. As children, we were always perfect moms living in the perfect world. The world isn’t perfect our families aren’t always perfect, and we are no longer little girls. Nurture yourself and your new identity remembering it takes time adjusting to this new dimension called, “Motherhood.”
Have a banner day!
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